Oh No He Didn't!

First things first, don't get it twisted. I LOVE "The Wife if Bath's Tale". She's my favorite character in the Canterbury Tales BY FAR. She's a strong, independent woman who works her sexuality and femininity. Girlfriend has got it going on!

Focusing on her tale for a minute, though. I've read this before in British Lit and I must have been a walking zombie in that class during this discussion because DAMN, we have our own Stanford Rape Case!! He's everyone's bro and he's hot and he's a bad ass knight. I get it. However, Boyfriend straight up violates a woman (*ahem* NOT OKAY *ahem*). There's a big broo-haha about it, rightly so. But can someone please explain to me why all these courtly ladies are defending his ass? I'm supposing the punishment for a gentleman to rape a maiden is death, since that was going to happen. But all of these chicks gather up in arms to save him. Ladies, he is not worth saving!! He did one of the most horrible things a person can do. Off with his head, I say! I don't care if he's King Arthur's top dog, a great lay, and richer than Midas. Nope nope NOPE. Bye, Felicia!

Can I also mention that I kinda like Queen G in this story? And how ironic it is that she's the one who  sets him on this quest? This chick doesn't even know what SHE wants half the time and the fact that she sends a man to practically do the impossible is so in tune with her character. She still should have killed him, but that's neither here nor there. I'm just salty. 

I'm so pissed that he gets off. Literally. What does he get for rape? A years vacation and a hot wife who will stay true to him. What did that young girl get? Where's her knight in shining armor? Where's her Happily Ever After? Who is going to want her now that she's not a virgin? 

And the Magic-HooHahcomes back again. Of course he will now love his wife because she chooses to be beautiful and faithful to him. Of course that makes everything all better!! Why am I not surprised!?Wifey is a freaking fairy and she can make him miserable! Why does everyone like this guy?!? 

Ugh... Now I'm pissed off.

Impulse can make you look bad

Let's talk about Yvain, shall we?

So Calogrenant starts all this drama because he went on a little adventure and found a nifty spring that makes stuff happen. Or maybe, just maybe, it was Queen Guinevere and her demanding nature? Calogrenant only told his story because she forced him to! I feel like she's always causing trouble. No wonder men had 31 rules to live by when in a relationship with women. These medieval bitches be crazy!

Anyway. King Arthur finally wakes up from his nap, not in the least bit worried that his wife has been surrounded by and fawning all over these men. He decides that he's going to avenge Calogrenant. He'll be the hero (again) for avenging someone he loves (again) for something that (again) doesn't make much sense. Seriously, what exactly do these men think they're avenging? Maybe I read a different story, but I'm pretty sure Calogrenant "won" the little fight with the crazy storm knight? Right?

Regardless, enter Yvain! Yes, he's been there the whole time, but now we're going to learn all about his jealousy. Arthur is going to go avenge his friend? Nope, Yvain's going to beat him to it.

Wouldn't it be a bad thing to take the quest your king wants? He's going anyway. Screw waiting for everyone else and some particular date, he's going NOW. He hopes to encounter the same stuff C did - the same hospitality from the family, the weird creature called a Moor--or churl (?), and of course the nifty spring that creates a crazy storm. When the knight comes for him, he's not just going to let him disappear like C did. He chases him down and keeps fighting him until we reach some distant place where he can't get away.

Here we go with this trust thing. I get that it's all fantastic fiction and it's supposed to be entertaining, but seriously? Why do we trust every. single. person. we. meet? Y kills a guy, who I read to be somebody pretty important in this little kingdom we've ended up in, and someone decides it's no big deal. We'll just hide you until everything calms down. "Put on this ring."

I'm pretty sure Gollum/Smeagol is coming for you, strange lady. My geekish knowledge (thanks, Google, and subsequent forums) say his ring is from the 5th or 6th century. Yvain's wearing THE PRECIOUS! And while we're just hanging out, waiting for people to mourn and give up on searching for us? We're being creepy and falling in love with a woman who can't stop crying. Who does that?

Yvain, apparently. I guess the magic hoo-hah has powers even when grief is so obvious. Strange hobbit lady (as I've named the girl with the ring since she doesn't appear to have a name) is now intelligent enough to set the two up? Was this her plan all along? Or is she just rolling with what's happening around her?

Now, who on Earth would be okay with the lady of the land marrying the guy who basically JUST killed her husband? For real. I don't think I'd cheer and give presents if Jackie had decided to marry Lee Harvey Oswald. Just sayin'. But he's just so in love with her, she's the best thing that ever happened to him, and he can't live without her. So it's okay.

Yvain's not very consistent, though. He decides he wants to leave. Right now, with Arthur, and do his duties to his previous king. Um, excuse me? If you wanted to be dutiful, you should've done it by going on this great big quest with Arthur, not by yourself to prove Kay wrong? Oh, but look. He was right anyway.

If this story were to end here, at the halfway point, I would be pissed. We read all this, Yvain trying to be a hero and take the credit for himself...and it worked out in his favor. Until he just so happens to forget that he's supposed to GO BACK TO HIS WIFE. This would be the kind of horrible, horrible ending that would make me throw a book across a room. But it's not!

So where's this lion mentioned in the title? I wanna know what happens next!

What is HAPPENING!?

Guys, I'm legit confused...

I totally understand the beginning of the story, although some things are just too weird and are not really realistic. I mean, if a dude walked up to me and said that he had a bunch of people as his prisoners and there wasn't anything I would do about it, I wouldn't just say "Meh.. you're right!" and move on! Come on, Arthur! Get your shit together! Be a king and whoop some ass!

What I'm confused about is Lancelot's little tryst in the woods.

So he and Gawain come across a lady in the woods. Totally got it there.

She tells them to pick a path. They do. Got that, too.

Lancelot gets to his path totally consumed with Love. (But, um... Who is he in love with? Queen G?)

He duels. He wins. Lady in the woods comes back and says, "Hey Mr. Sexy Knight! If you let this guy live and grant him mercy, I'll repay you with something you'll like very much *wink wink*" (AHEM, I think she means the Hoo-Hah here)

BUT THEN!! Good ol' Lance "realized who she was from her statement" and Lady "was ashamed and embarrassed to think he might have recognized her"

Sooo...... Who is she? Queen G? Some mysterious fairy woman? WHO!?

She says, "Hey, I'll give you my Hoo-Hah" and he says:

But she's like, "Take my Hoo-Hah!!" and he says "Alright, chill. I'll do it but I'm not happy about it"

Then Lady almost gets raped... Then somehow wants to have the sex with Lance afterwards.

She becomes super needy throughout their journey, and a tad bit shady.

Then after a while, Lance goes to fight King M. for Queen G.

BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO THE LADY IS!!!!

I feel like there is this whole backstory about Lance and Queen G. and this mysterious lady that I'm just not privy too and it's pissing me off. Like, I want to know all the dirty details about what's going on but I feel like I'm missing a huge chunk of the story. I KNEW I should have taken Dr. MB's  Arthurian class! 

I'm not off to a good start with this story. Hopefully it will get better but for now:

Fighting over the Girls

There is so much going on in Erec and Enide's story, and we're only halfway done! I'm beginning to get whiplash.

Almost immediately (page 2) we're thrown into King Arthur's desire to hold a hunt for a white stag. Cool, dude, but apparently this is going to cause problems. You have hundreds of women in your court, and you're going to use this hunt as a competition to kiss the most beautiful of them. I guess if you're the king you can do that kind of thing. But when one of your buddies tells you it's not a good idea because fights will break out, you just say, "yeah but we're gonna do it anyway!" Let all the men fight each other over who has the most beautiful woman by his side. Great idea, your majesty.

Then we move into this strange scene with Erec, Guinevere, her maid, and the group that we're soon going to view as our enemies. It's a commonality it literature: the hero's enemy is ours, and this knight (Yder) pissed Erec off. We're off to get revenge! Yder and his dwarf are in our targets, and we hope that Erec can 1) find them, and 2) retrieve his stolen dignity. But we'll have to hit the pause button for a moment because we have to meet the most beautiful woman in the world.

Erec finds a place to stay, and good for him because it's an event that will change the rest of his life. We meet the man who hosts our hero, a father who is happy to share his home with this random (albeit handsome, as we're told) man who just rode up on his horse. Erec has no problem with handing over his horse and allowing himself to be vulnerable in this guy's house. This seems to be a theme in the medieval time period; people, specifically traveling knights, are incredibly trusting of others and their families. I keep wondering if that confidence is universal during this time period or if it's only because they have a position in Arthur's court.

On to this maiden we just met. She's put away our hero's horse and returned to her father and Erec. 

Then her father orders her to have sex with Erec.

That was my interpretation of "my dear daughter, take this lord by the hand and show him the highest honor" (7). Why is this a thing? Is this a custom that allows knights to trust strangers, engaging in 'the highest honor,' or does the ordinary person hand over anything and everything they can to impress the knights? It's all about the Magic Hoo-Hah*, I guess.

Back to Erec's quest for revenge. As we know he participates in the sparrowhawk fight. Side note: why do these men insist on fighting each other to prove who has the most beautiful woman in their possession? 

We finally meet Yder, who seems to be angry and maybe a bit arrogant before their challenge unfolds. But we also know that he's a knight, so on some level, I want to believe he's a good guy. Okay, decent, good might be stretching it. Good guys don't let dwarfs whip everyone just for the hell of it. Erec seems to be on the same wavelength because he's gonna win this fight over the sparrowhawk. But is he, though? I think at this point he's already fallen in love with the nameless (who woman we know to be Edine now). So yeah sure, I'll pretend to believe he's fighting for his revenge against the dwarf's whipping incident. The passion he puts into this battle says he has another reason for being out there. He wants to win that sparrowhawk for his lady.

Here's my biggest problem with the first half of "Erec and Edine": Yder went to the castle to surrender to Queen Guinevere. I get that he's a knight and he has to live by the rule and expectations, and by doing so, he proves himself to be honorable. But this is the question that is leaving me confused: why? What would have happened if he caught the Royals on a day when they weren't feeling so generous? He wouldn't have received Guinevere's acceptance of his presence and Arthur's decision to add him to the court. He could have easily just said

and taken his dwarf (who has proved himself to be wickedly defensive) and the lady he had to some other distant land. They could have started a new life and been the main characters of their own fictional romance story. Bonus: they would avoid the possibility of Guinevere's imprisonment.

*Thank you for the new term, Amy.

Love or Sex?

Back at it again with a blog post! 

I fail to see with every lais that we've read so far what love has to do with anything. To me, and this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who knows me, it seems like the word love is just a more respectable and accepted way to say sex back in these good ol' days.

For most of us general plebeians, love doesn't hit us with a glance or with a rumor of perfection. It happens usually over time and grows throughout the wonderful and romantic dating process. Sure, there's some sexy times thrown in there for some added excitement and fun. But love doesn't come straight from looks or renown.

What has been irritating me about these lais is that it just seems like love is interchangeable with sex. Or maybe, not even sex. How about lust? 

When Lanval looks upon his Lady Lurve (<-- alliteration, kids!) it seems like he is just so happy that a hot girl noticed him and wants to offer up her Magic Hoo-Hah that he just goes with it. Duh. That's not surprising. But to go so far as to call his sexual urges for this chick love? Nah, brah. 

There's a term for this type of love in young adult novels and even romance novels (my personal fave!) and that is insta-love. Let me tell you, that crap is ANNOYING. That does not happen in real life. I want to see the push/pull dynamic. The struggle to come to terms with each other's real feelings. I want some emotion, dammit! I don't want some fluffy, cheesy, sickly-sweet romance that isn't believable. Make me believe in your love! 

It's to the point where if I see a woman say, "I love him so much!" All I think about is what she's providing him in between the sheets. Yeah, honey, you "loved" him all right! 

Lanval, himself, even says "If it pleased you, if such joy might be mine that you would love me, there is nothing you might command within my power, that I would not do." He wants the Magic Hoo-Hah and he'll do anything to get it. Typical. Further along, the poem even states, "He lay beside her on the bed; now Lanval is well cared for." YES. HE. IS. Get it, Lanval!

Maybe I'm missing a key element here or I'm just thinking too much into it. But with all of these stories, I'm not seeing what I think of love. I'm seeing this knock-off version liked by people who want to talk about the sexy-times but are too scared.