Foolish Expectations? Or Something Else? -Elizabeth

Some of the rules from Capellanus’ Art of Courtly Love really surprised me. At least they did, before I was made aware it had been a satirical reading. For example the concept that a born-blind man can never love is simply absurd. Love is not something that relies purely on sight, for it is an emotion that is also created through interactions, trust, and understanding.

The rules “he who is not jealous cannot love” and “real jealousy always increases the feeling of love” are ridiculous to me due to the fact distrust, fear, and being overly possessive (often the sources of jealousy) can prevent communication and are well known factors of what can end a relationship. It’s a shame that so many people, for so long, took these ideas seriously. For ideas like these could do so much harm emotionally, or worse, if taken as facts.

I interpreted what courtly love was by comparing it to modern fictional love, through a few common elements: through their goals, target people, social acceptance levels, and women-rights of the time. For example, some of the goals for the creation of courtly love was to entertain, teach younger men proper social etiquette, and provide women with a small feeling of power/status during an age where women were powerless and often looked down upon.

The targets of courtly love were often portrayed as (upper-class) married women and young men (knights), for the idea of love within marriage was an odd, if not deplored, notion due to their current religious beliefs. Courtly love itself encouraged men to desire, respect, and protect women rather than just sexually pursue/interact with them. In other words, it shifted some power from the male lover to the female beloved.

Compared to modern fictional love, these elements vary quite a bit in some areas. While it is similar in the fact some of the goals are to entertain and set social standards (to a degree), what is different is the status/rights of the female audience and how they’re influenced. In terms of the woman-rights of the female audience, woman have become closer than ever, if not are already, to being on equal standing with men, and as a result do not focus as much on a need for higher status/power in modern fictional romances. Instead, they crave more the emotional fulfillment, the desire, the lust, the passion from stories, which they often cannot find in real life (similar to what the male position in courtly love offered, but with more accepted sexual relations).

Modern fictional love has more equal treatment and expectations between the sexes, unlike courtly love, which was just beginning to close the gap. The targets for this modern love are practically anyone and anything, with the general exception of incestuous relations, because the social acceptance of ‘love’ (both in the church and public) has increased greatly since the origins of courtly love. Along with greater acceptance, love within marriages became not only socially okay, but desired and sought for too. This modern shift in genre transformed the conception of courtly love, one of purely mental desire and service, to a form of love that needs both an emotional and physical connection to be content.

I wonder though, was this shift in fictional ‘love’ types mainly the result of a change in audience over the years? Or did the created shift in fiction (starting with courtly love) actually succeed in changing the beliefs/expectations of its audience, over time eventually snowballing into this current version of modern fictional love?

Of Cougars & Knights

The principles of courtly love genuinely surprised me when I read about how men under the age of 18 supposedly cannot love.  Yes, I’m sure we’ve all had our fair share of 13 year-old selves believing they are in love (especially with Justin Timberlake, or is that just me?), but who’s to say that we cannot learn from those dark, selfie filled times?  However, age does not equate to maturity and I find that the reading uses maturity as a necessity for love.  “Love” in this passage seems to be defined as a broader term as opposed to what we would find “true love” from typical fairytales.  Placing these conditions into the mind-set of people in the 21^st century is like hearing your grandparents tell you about “the good ole days” as they quake with despair as they watch “teens these days” treat love as something disposable like lust. 

Courtly love is similar to our society’s ideals in the differentiation between passion, lust and love.  There is a recognition that passion and lust are pieces in the great puzzle of love, but do not correlate to the phenomenon itself.  The idea in courtly love that if one becomes impoverished, it can only damage the love is a complete 180 flip from the fictional ideals of “for richer or for poorer”.  Love being unconditional is an all-known fictional ideal that has wormed its way into the vows of married couples for years.  However, the courtly love idea rings true for most couples, leading to numerous divorces and fights.

The original audience for tales of courtly love was women.  These tales gave men a set of guidelines to courtly love to prevent them from roaming the lands and raping women.  It taught chivalry with the proper romantic tricks.  It gave power to the women (the beloved) over whom they chose to love.  The implications are more than a sexual response to another human, it is a mental one.  Courtly love focuses on what we would call ‘genuine connection’ between two individuals.  It cannot be neither forced nor feigned nor denied.  The concreteness of feelings is explored in depth for lovers near and far with courtly love, as well as the women’s ability to muster a form of power over the men.   

Fairy tales of romance written about couples that are not married is a foreign subject.  During the time period, most people didn’t marry for love, but for practicality - which isn’t as foreign as romance stories for unmarried couples.  It was a creative, entertaining outlet that taught young men ways to woo a woman and to extend future marriages to greater heights.  Also, I find it laughable that the stories include Cougars and Sugar Mommas.  I find that the power that comes from money and prestige is still a part of these tales despite the attention on mental wooing methods.  Evidently, love appeals to most people despite the lack of it in peoples’ real lives.  It’s nice to see how women took the reigns on the horse of love and managed to drag it out of muddied pits to polish and present to us all.