3/27 The Knight of the Cart and Man with the Hair Fetish

So this is the second time that I've read this story, and I can honestly say every time, I have been severely disturbed by Lancelot's behavior and my image of him shattered (much like Guinevere, but it wasn't much of a fall...never particularly liked her). From this:

to smothering hair all over his face and body and getting pleasure from it, perhaps disturbing isn't as strong of a word as I would like.
https://youtu.be/YYEQqnvFwqQ?t=2m36s
^^Wouldn't let me put in the video, so link ya go (start at 2:54-3:00)

The father's reaction is completely my reaction to Lancelot this entire story. Boy needs Jesus. Also, how is it that Lancelot didn't die from all of his spacing out, besides he is a super strong knight? What would happen if someone shot arrows at him? Would he straight up dodge them or grab them midair, like a bad ass (which I guess is exactly what he did with the flaming spear...huh)?

Either way, I feel like Lancelot is so not the knight anyone should be looking up to. Yes, he's Arthur's strongest, most "loyal" knight. Yes, he's the one who saved Guinevere, but in being obsessed (yes, obsessed, because there is no other word for what Lancelot is towards Guinevere), he almost let a maiden be raped in her own home. This is the same maiden who offered him food and shelter (even if in return, he was to sleep with her, and the entire time, he was an awkward banana, like if you don't like it, freaking walk out, bro. You didn't need to stay at her place. Stop being a bitch), and yet when she's about to be raped in her own home, and I believe her own bed, he hesitates at the door, not because there are big, scary men at the door, but because he is ashamed of himself for taking food and shelter at this woman's house when his every waking moment (which in his mind, should be ever moment), should be dedicated to saving Guinevere. That is not a man any one should aspire to be like, nor is his relationship with Guinevere a healthy one. It's downright toxic and no wonder it leads to Camelot's downfall (but let's be honest, that's on Arthur too for murdering children just to be rid of Mordred...great advice, Merlin).  

What is HAPPENING!?

Guys, I'm legit confused...

I totally understand the beginning of the story, although some things are just too weird and are not really realistic. I mean, if a dude walked up to me and said that he had a bunch of people as his prisoners and there wasn't anything I would do about it, I wouldn't just say "Meh.. you're right!" and move on! Come on, Arthur! Get your shit together! Be a king and whoop some ass!

What I'm confused about is Lancelot's little tryst in the woods.

So he and Gawain come across a lady in the woods. Totally got it there.

She tells them to pick a path. They do. Got that, too.

Lancelot gets to his path totally consumed with Love. (But, um... Who is he in love with? Queen G?)

He duels. He wins. Lady in the woods comes back and says, "Hey Mr. Sexy Knight! If you let this guy live and grant him mercy, I'll repay you with something you'll like very much *wink wink*" (AHEM, I think she means the Hoo-Hah here)

BUT THEN!! Good ol' Lance "realized who she was from her statement" and Lady "was ashamed and embarrassed to think he might have recognized her"

Sooo...... Who is she? Queen G? Some mysterious fairy woman? WHO!?

She says, "Hey, I'll give you my Hoo-Hah" and he says:

But she's like, "Take my Hoo-Hah!!" and he says "Alright, chill. I'll do it but I'm not happy about it"

Then Lady almost gets raped... Then somehow wants to have the sex with Lance afterwards.

She becomes super needy throughout their journey, and a tad bit shady.

Then after a while, Lance goes to fight King M. for Queen G.

BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO THE LADY IS!!!!

I feel like there is this whole backstory about Lance and Queen G. and this mysterious lady that I'm just not privy too and it's pissing me off. Like, I want to know all the dirty details about what's going on but I feel like I'm missing a huge chunk of the story. I KNEW I should have taken Dr. MB's  Arthurian class! 

I'm not off to a good start with this story. Hopefully it will get better but for now: