Impulse can make you look bad

Let's talk about Yvain, shall we?

So Calogrenant starts all this drama because he went on a little adventure and found a nifty spring that makes stuff happen. Or maybe, just maybe, it was Queen Guinevere and her demanding nature? Calogrenant only told his story because she forced him to! I feel like she's always causing trouble. No wonder men had 31 rules to live by when in a relationship with women. These medieval bitches be crazy!

Anyway. King Arthur finally wakes up from his nap, not in the least bit worried that his wife has been surrounded by and fawning all over these men. He decides that he's going to avenge Calogrenant. He'll be the hero (again) for avenging someone he loves (again) for something that (again) doesn't make much sense. Seriously, what exactly do these men think they're avenging? Maybe I read a different story, but I'm pretty sure Calogrenant "won" the little fight with the crazy storm knight? Right?

Regardless, enter Yvain! Yes, he's been there the whole time, but now we're going to learn all about his jealousy. Arthur is going to go avenge his friend? Nope, Yvain's going to beat him to it.

Wouldn't it be a bad thing to take the quest your king wants? He's going anyway. Screw waiting for everyone else and some particular date, he's going NOW. He hopes to encounter the same stuff C did - the same hospitality from the family, the weird creature called a Moor--or churl (?), and of course the nifty spring that creates a crazy storm. When the knight comes for him, he's not just going to let him disappear like C did. He chases him down and keeps fighting him until we reach some distant place where he can't get away.

Here we go with this trust thing. I get that it's all fantastic fiction and it's supposed to be entertaining, but seriously? Why do we trust every. single. person. we. meet? Y kills a guy, who I read to be somebody pretty important in this little kingdom we've ended up in, and someone decides it's no big deal. We'll just hide you until everything calms down. "Put on this ring."

I'm pretty sure Gollum/Smeagol is coming for you, strange lady. My geekish knowledge (thanks, Google, and subsequent forums) say his ring is from the 5th or 6th century. Yvain's wearing THE PRECIOUS! And while we're just hanging out, waiting for people to mourn and give up on searching for us? We're being creepy and falling in love with a woman who can't stop crying. Who does that?

Yvain, apparently. I guess the magic hoo-hah has powers even when grief is so obvious. Strange hobbit lady (as I've named the girl with the ring since she doesn't appear to have a name) is now intelligent enough to set the two up? Was this her plan all along? Or is she just rolling with what's happening around her?

Now, who on Earth would be okay with the lady of the land marrying the guy who basically JUST killed her husband? For real. I don't think I'd cheer and give presents if Jackie had decided to marry Lee Harvey Oswald. Just sayin'. But he's just so in love with her, she's the best thing that ever happened to him, and he can't live without her. So it's okay.

Yvain's not very consistent, though. He decides he wants to leave. Right now, with Arthur, and do his duties to his previous king. Um, excuse me? If you wanted to be dutiful, you should've done it by going on this great big quest with Arthur, not by yourself to prove Kay wrong? Oh, but look. He was right anyway.

If this story were to end here, at the halfway point, I would be pissed. We read all this, Yvain trying to be a hero and take the credit for himself...and it worked out in his favor. Until he just so happens to forget that he's supposed to GO BACK TO HIS WIFE. This would be the kind of horrible, horrible ending that would make me throw a book across a room. But it's not!

So where's this lion mentioned in the title? I wanna know what happens next!